What Do Football Matches, Oasis Concerts And Polyvagal Theory Have In Common?

Think back to the best gig or the best match you’ve ever been to. For Robert, that was recently seeing Oasis twice, a highlight of his year. For many, it’s that match where your team won and the atmosphere almost carried you in from the walk outside the stadium. The chanting, the noise, the shoulder-to-shoulder feeling of being part of something.

Now imagine watching the same match or gig alone in an empty stadium. No crowd. No roar. No energy rolling through the seats.

It’s the same event, but the feeling is entirely different.

And that difference isn’t an accident. It’s your nervous system doing exactly what it was designed to do.

The Lightbulb Moment: Co-Regulation in Action

We don’t regulate alone, even when we think we do.

One of the simplest truths about being human is that our bodies tune in to the people around us. Long before we think, our nervous system is already reading the room, scanning for safety, threat, warmth, connection, rhythm.

For me (Mary), the moment this clicked and linked directly to Polyvagal Theory (PVT) was watching Anna Mitchell at work. I had the privilege of doing some collaborative work with Anna during the year through the Gab Storytelling and saw the magic in how she brings people together as one in a choir. That shared rhythm, the synchronised breath, the immediate atmosphere of safety, that was the lightbulb moment for me. Choral singing is ventral vagal co-regulation in action. And at our next Ginkgo Collective meeting, Robert got it immediately when remembering the Oasis concerts.

Do you notice:

some people make you breathe easier as soon as they walk into the room
your child settles faster when your voice is calm
you can feel joy lifting through a crowd even if you walked in tired
a tense atmosphere spreads without anyone saying a word

We like to believe we’re “in control” of our emotions all the time, but our bodies are much more communal than that. We were designed to co-regulate.

A Simple Way to Understand What’s Happening Inside

Polyvagal Theory gives language to something most of us already feel in our bones.

You can think of your nervous system as having three broad modes:

Ventral Vagal – “I’m safe enough”
You feel grounded, connected, steady. This is where you can listen, learn, parent, work and enjoy the world around you.
Sympathetic – “Something’s happening, get ready”
Your body gears up. Maybe you feel edgy, activated, busy, overwhelmed or energised. It’s not always negative, excitement lives here too.
Dorsal Vagal – “Too much, shut down”
Everything slows. You might withdraw, feel flat, disconnected or like you just need the world to stop for a minute.

We move through these states all day long. And the smoother and more flexible that movement is, the easier life feels.

But for many of us, especially when stress, trauma or constant demands pile up, the system becomes quicker to react and slower to recover. This is where parents often say things like:

“Why am I snapping so quickly?”
“I know I’m safe but my body doesn’t feel it.”
“When one child melts down, my whole system goes with them.”

This isn’t weakness. It’s biology doing its best with what it has.

And here’s the hopeful part

Our nervous system can learn. It can soften. It can find safety again and the easiest, most natural way we do this is through other people.

Shared rhythm.
Shared breath.
Shared sound.
Shared presence.

It’s why singing in crowds feels incredible (Robert has promised to do a blog post about seeing Oasis and all the singing he did at it!). It’s why babies settle to rocking and a gentle voice. It’s why a friend’s calmness can bring you down from the edge.

The body responds to cues of safety faster than it responds to logic.

Bringing the Science into Your Body

If this is clicking with you, as a parent, as a carer, as someone who’s simply curious about why your body reacts the way it does, our upcoming event will help you experience this in a way that goes beyond ideas.

The Science of Rhythm and Regulation is a full-day workshop designed to help your nervous system understand what your mind is learning.

Brendan McKiernan will guide you through Polyvagal Theory in a way that makes it usable in everyday life.
Anna Mitchell will use rhythm, breath and voice to help your body feel regulation, not just hear about it (the magic I saw firsthand!).

It’s gentle. It’s practical. And it’s designed for real people — parents, professionals, anyone curious about themselves or others.

Join us

If you’d like to understand your nervous system more clearly, or you simply want to feel more regulated, connected and supported, join us in Cork this March.

The Science of Rhythm and Regulation

29 March 2026 | Clayton Hotel Silver Springs, Cork

9.30am – 4.30pm

Register here